Coping with Pregnancy Loss and Healing Together

Experiencing pregnancy loss is a heart-wrenching journey that many families face. It can feel isolating, overwhelming, and absolutely heartbreaking. In Delaware and Southeastern Pennsylvania, there are resources and communities that can help you navigate this difficult time. This post aims to provide support, share stories, and offer practical advice for those coping with pregnancy loss.

Pregnancy and baby loss includes miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and stillbirth. One in four pregnancies ends in a loss, and often women miscarry before they even learn that they are pregnant. Each loss is unique, and the emotions that come with it can be difficult to process alone. It is essential to acknowledge these feelings and understand that you are not alone.

Understanding the Grief Process

Grief is a natural response to loss. It can manifest in many ways, including sadness, anger, confusion, and even guilt. Understanding the stages of grief can help you process your emotions. The stages often include:

• Denial: This is the initial shock. You may find it hard to accept what has happened.

  
  

• Anger: Feelings of frustration and helplessness can arise. You may direct this anger towards yourself, others, or even the situation.

  
  

• Bargaining:  This stage involves wishing things were different. Women whose labs or ultrasounds look abnormal are bargaining with God, secretly posing questions like "If I can continue this pregnancy, I will stop drinking coffee/running/cursing." You might find yourself thinking about what you could have done to change the outcome.

• Depression: This is a deep sadness that can feel overwhelming. It is essential to seek support during this time.

  
  

• Acceptance: This does not mean you are okay with what happened. Instead, it means you are beginning to find a way to live with the loss. I tell my new patients that my job is to help you learn to live with a hole in your heart that never closes.

  
  

Recognizing these stages can help you understand your feelings and those of your partner or loved ones.

Finding Local Support in Delaware and Southeastern Pennsylvania

There are some wonderful resources available for those coping with pregnancy loss. Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses can be incredibly healing. Here are some options to consider:

Support Groups

Support groups provide a safe space to share your feelings and experiences. In Delaware, organizations like the Julia's Light Foundation and Loving Arms at Christiana Hospital offer support groups specifically for those who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss. Three Little Birds has live and virtual bereavement groups for people in South Jersey, Philly and Southeastern PA, in addition to offering bedside bereavement services.These in person groups meet regularly and provide guidance, and a strong sense of community.

Counseling Services

Professional counseling can be beneficial for individuals and couples dealing with grief. Although the "Angel Moms & Dads" is an inclusive group, grief feels and looks differently from family to family. Therapists who specialize in grief and loss can help you navigate your emotions, but be sure to ask if the counselor has specific training for perinatal loss, which is very different than grief therapy for losing your grandmother. If you have been referred to me and I can't see you, I can promise to give you the names of some other great local providers who offer Telehealth services, making it easier for you to access support from home.

Online Communities

If you prefer to connect online, there are numerous forums and social media groups dedicated to pregnancy and infant loss. These platforms allow you to share your story, ask questions, and find comfort in knowing others understand your pain. Some of my favorite sites are Postpartum Support International and the Star Legacy Foundation, and Twinless Twins Support which aims at healing when one twin dies and the other survives. RESOLVE also offers specific groups for fertility patients who have experienced a loss.

Honoring Your Baby

Finding ways to honor your lost baby can be a meaningful part of the healing process. Here are some ideas to consider:

• Create a Memory Box: Collect items that remind you of your pregnancy, such as ultrasound photos, letters, or mementos. This box can serve as a tangible way to remember your baby.

  
  

• Plant a Tree or Flower: Planting something in memory of your baby can provide a living tribute. Watching it grow can symbolize your healing journey. One thing to note - I would always recommend planting something in a flower pot. That way, if you need to move, you aren't leaving your "baby" behind.

  
  

• Participate in Remembrance Events: Many organizations host events to honor babies lost to pregnancy loss. Participating in these events can help you feel connected to a larger community. There are two local events that I absolutely love. The Delaware Chapter of the TEARS Foundation sponsors the Rock & Walk every October. It is a family friendly event that many of my patients look forward to every year. The other event close to my heart is the Wave of Light, sponsored by Julia's Light Foundation. This is a breathtaking, beautiful event to honor all of our babies that were taken too soon. The Wave of Light is an international bereavement event celebrated every year on October 15th, and I have never in my career attended anything as beautiful as this. Please see my website for links to both of these events.

  
  

Communicating with Your Partner

Coping with pregnancy loss can tax the strongest relationships. It is crucial to communicate openly with your partner about your feelings. Here are some tips for fostering healthy communication while you are both flooded with emotions:

• Share Your Emotions: Talk about how you feel, even if it is difficult. Sharing your thoughts can help both of you process your grief. A counselor can help you learn how to share these intense feelings and help you stay connected when one person "moves on" quicker than the other.

  
  

• Listen Actively: Make space for your partner to express their feelings. Listening without judgment can strengthen your bond.

  
  

• Seek Help Together: Consider attending support groups or counseling together. This shared experience can help you both heal. (REALLY!!!)

  
  

Self-Care During Grief

Taking care of yourself is vital during this challenging time. Here are some self-care practices to consider:

• Rest: Allow yourself to grieve. It is okay to take time off work or other responsibilities to focus on your healing. Check your employer's bereavement policy, and work closely with your officemates/HR to plan for your leave of absence and/or your re-entry to work.

  
  

• Engage in Activities You Enjoy: Whether it is reading, painting, or going for walks, find activities that bring you joy and comfort. Be cautious by limiting activities that might attract families like Milburn Orchards, the Christiana Mall or Longwood Gardens. You should still go to your favorite places, but consider strolling around Longwood during a school day, or going shopping on a Sunday night.

  
  

• Practice Mindfulness: Techniques like meditation or deep breathing can help you manage stress and anxiety. Be on the lookout for new blogs focusing on mindfulness techniques.

  
  

Resources for Further Support

If you are looking for additional resources, here are some other organizations that can help:

• The American Pregnancy Association: Offers information and support for pregnancy loss.

  
  

• Resolve Through Sharing: Provides support for families experiencing pregnancy loss and offers resources for healing.

  
  

• The Compassionate Friends: A national organization that supports families after the loss of a child.

• Star Legacy Foundation: Education, resources and volunteer support for parents and their loved ones.

Connecting with Others

Sometimes, sharing your story can be a powerful way to heal. Consider writing about your experience or joining a local writing group focused on grief. Sharing your journey can help others feel less alone and create a sense of community.

Moving Forward Together

Healing from pregnancy loss is a journey that takes time. It is essential to be patient with yourself and your partner. Remember that it is best to seek help and lean on others for support.

As you navigate this path, consider creating new traditions or rituals that honor your baby. This can be a way to keep their memory alive while also allowing you to move forward.

Embracing Hope

While the pain of pregnancy loss may never fully go away, it is possible to find hope and joy again. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and do not hesitate to reach out for help when you need it.

You are not alone. There are communities and resources ready to support you on this journey. The healing process takes time. Expect set backs. Grief has no timeline. As you navigate this difficult time, remember that healing is possible.

A candle representing remembrance and healing after pregnancy loss.